Is It Love
by Needing-To-Shut-Up-But-Unable
Summary: Kirk goes missing, Spock goes looking for him. Established relationship. Hint of Uhura and McCoy (at the very end).
1. Chapter 1

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

A/N: This is a classic case of what was I thinking?

* * *

Dating a half Vulcan was not the easiest thing in the world, in fact sometimes James Tiberius Kirk wondered if he even loved Spock at all. Gone were the days of chasing skirts and the occasional chess match with his first officer, replaced with chess match after chess match and the occasional night of passion with his first officer. Somehow the bond between them didn't stop Spock from being an ass in their personal life at times. They had yet again disagreed, with Kirk withholding sex, even though he knew it was petty and hurting more him that it hurt Spock. It didn't help matters when Spock pointed this out to him. Jim hadn't spoken to Spock all morning and with the next planet exploration scheduled for that afternoon, it wasn't likely to change any time soon. The planet in question turned out to be boring, in Kirk's opinion. There were nothing but hills in every direction, small hills, perfectly green, not even a breeze to break the monotony. Still the plant life was "fascinating" – seriously it was only grass. Kirk wondered over to the next hill, and watched the scientists run about like kids on Christmas. He didn't even hear the footsteps as his first officer and sometimes lover came to join him.

'Captain,' Spock acknowledged.

'Spock,' Kirk responded.

'Captain, I did not wish to offend you in any way, my suggestion that we move in together was the logical progression of our relationship, as we seem to spend most of our evenings together.'

'Did you ever consider that was the problem?' Kirk answered, finding himself irrationally irritated, 'that you asked out of logic.'

'I did, however I cannot see as to why you would feel this way.'

'Maybe because logic has nothing to do with it?'

'I think our union was a mistake.'

Kirk blinked in surprise, _Vulcans don't lie_, flittered across his mind, 'fine, consider it over then.'

Kirk walked away from Spock, knowing that it wasn't just going to be that easy. He may not know all of the inner workings of pon farr, but he was fairly certain that the bond between them wouldn't just go away because he wanted it to. Nor would Spock's feelings, as for his own? Well he wasn't entirely convinced that what he felt for Spock was love at all. He liked Spock, he was loyal and a good chess player, but he wasn't so sure it had ever developed into anything more. Come to think of it, Spock had never told him that he loved him, so maybe this was a relationship of convenience rather than mutual attraction. Either way, Kirk was too pissed off to care at the moment, even if he hadn't been; there was small chance that he would have felt the first warning tremor.

He certainly felt the second one, as he was pitched forward as the ground shuddered in its throes of agony. As quickly as it had started, it ended. Thinking it was over, Kirk headed back to where the rest of the crew were disentangling themselves from their equipment. Wishful thinking ever rarely resulted in productivity. The third tremor was like no earth quake ever recorded in any history. The ground had become their virtual trampoline, bouncing them higher and higher with every quake. Kirk wondered if this wasn't karma's way of telling him that he shouldn't have snapped at Spock before everything when rushing past in a wave of air and blackness.


	2. Chapter 2

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Awakening, Jim knew that he was in trouble. For starters he was alone, never a good thing on a strange planet. Secondly, he had no idea as to where he was, or how far he had travelled, for that the perfect hills were long gone. Thirdly, he was sure that this left wrist was almost positively broken. Lastly, he regretted his fight with Spock, and now Spock hated him, or at least vastly disapproved of his actions. Staggering onto his feet, Jim took a good look around him, taking in the jungle atmosphere.

This was not good; this was all he needed, for a legitimate reason for his relationship to end with Spock, in his death. Well Starfleet hadn't assigned him captaincy of the _Enterprise_ because they thought that he would roll over the moment he was in the slightest bit of trouble. Then again, trampolining earthquakes wasn't something he had been trained for. Jim made up his mind; he was going to find his way back to his ship, even if it was to simply shove it at Spock that he didn't need him. Jim wondered when he got so petty towards Spock; Spock was his best friend and supposedly more. Putting the thought out of his mind, Jim attempted to climb a tree.

If his wrist wasn't broken before, it certainly was after he landed on it, falling out the tree. At least he had glimpsed a patch of perfect green in the distance, which Jim was willing to bet his ship on, was the hills where this misadventure adventure had started. The only problem was he had been disorientated by the fall and was no longer sure which direction the green lay in. Ok make that one of two problems. The other was a very mean looking bear, with a scorpion tale advancing slowly towards him. Jim didn't think that it was looking for someone to play with, if the fluid, Jim wasn't entirely sure the purple-with-yellow-swirls substance was actually saliva, dripping from its jaws was any indication.

'Nice bear,' Jim coaxed.

The "bear" snarled viciously at him.

'Fuck.'

The next thing Jim knew, he was pelting though the verge as if his life depended on it, which it did. The snapping howls of the beast giving chase were growing inexplicably closer, which was why Jim's foot decided to find a root to trip over at the most inconvenient time and send him sprawling. The bear leapt over him and vanished from view. Curious Jim crawled slowly forward.

_Logic would dictate caution._

Wonderful, now Spock was in his head. The advice played out though as the ground suddenly dropped away. Jim could see the bear stuck on a ledge some thirty feet down. He hoped that it would stay there. Knowing his luck at the moment, it wouldn't.

_It is illogical to rely on something as unquantitative as luck._

'Shut up,' Jim snapped at the voice.


	3. Chapter 3

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Spock paced back and forth, it was illogical, he knew, but he was extremely worried. Most of the exploration crew was present and accounted for, but there were still people missing, the captain included. They had all been flung about by the "earthquake", some furthers than others, the distance from where you ended up from where you begun, had as of yet, no real pattern. Spock hoped that the captain was simply further away than the others. Logically there was no real reason to suspect otherwise, but something was telling him that the captain was in trouble.

An hour later and it had become clear that the captain had disappeared. All the other crew members had been located, with the shuttle having done a fly over of the area and turning up nothing, the captain was simply gone. There was a jungle to the north, but the shuttle had been damaged, they were lucky it hadn't malfunctioned and crashed during the fly over. The hull was severely damaged, taking space travel out of the equation and the communications panel was fried. They were just going to have to wait for the Enterprise to miss their scheduled check-in and come looking for them. Spock may not like it, but the search for his friend, and somewhat lover, was going to have to wait. The idea did not entice him, as he felt ill over his last words to the man he loved.

Spock hadn't meant to say that he regretted their union, the way that he did. Kirk was everything he could want, need or ask for in a partner, but Spock suspected that he wasn't the right kind of partner for Kirk. Their minds were compatible, the bond wouldn't have formed if they weren't, but their personalities seemed to be taken into play. He knew that he had hurt Kirk during their first union, and he was disgusted at himself for it. He had let Kirk take the lead in their sexual relations from then on in, and it had become obvious from their first time, what Kirk had enjoyed most. Spock regretted not telling Kirk from the start, maybe it would have been smoother if he had. He should have logically told McCoy about the rituals of Pon Farr when he had first felt the urgers, not waited until it was too late to return to Vulcan for him. But he had waited, illogically hoping that his friend the captain, to whom he held feelings for, would come for him in his hour of need and discover everything he ever needed. Wishful thinking was ever rarely productive.


	4. Chapter 4

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

A/N: WARNING This Chapter Contains Dark Contents.

* * *

It was dark before Jim found a cave empty enough to sleep in for the night. He had been walking all day and was exhausted. Jim also had the sinking feeling that he had been walking in circles, but he was too tired to dwell on that now. Putting the throbbing in his wrist out of his mind, Jim fell asleep and dreamed.

_Spock had been sick, and the damn man had been too damn stubborn to tell anyone, and now he was dying. Jim knew what could save him, that he could save him, if only Spock would let him. He barged into Spock's quarters without even knocking, if he had, Spock simply would have denied him. It hadn't even occurred to him that the door hadn't even been locked._

_'Captain, it would be best if you left, I do not want to hurt you.'_

_'You need help Spock, I can help you!'_

_The next thing he knew, he was being pinned to the wall, Spock's face barely apart from his own._

_'You would let me?'_

_'Yes,' Jim whispered._

_The next thing he had known, he was on the floor, Spock straddling his waist, tongue battling for dominance in his mouth. For a reserved man, Spock was a damn good kisser. Spock's hands had roamed, tearing clothes off the both of them, exploring the features of Jim's body. The raw need, want, lust and just general possessiveness Spock's face exerted, told Kirk that the man atop him, had completely let his emotions control him. Kirk seriously doubted that Spock was even consciously aware of what he was doing, which sent a shiver of fear down his spine. His fear was well placed as Spock unceremoniously prepared him and Kirk held back as scream, it hurt! Spock rolled him over and entered him and Jim jerked in pain, too stubborn and worried that Spock might die, to tell him to stop. As Spock thrust into him, Jim jerked with every movement, trying to match him with every thrust, to end it as soon as possible. All of sudden, it ended, then Spock thrust one more time before Jim felt a warm wetness pool down his legs, and Spock collapsed as a dead weight on top of him. _

_Jim hardly breathed until he felt Spock push himself off of him and allowed the other man to check himself. There was no blood, but there was pain. Jim nearly passed out when he felt the other man tug at his shoulder and pull him reluctantly towards the bathroom._

Jim awoke with a gasp, curled in on himself protectively.

'Spock didn't mean it. Spock didn't mean it,' he whispered to himself over and over until the shaking had stopped. Yes it was probably the shortest sexual experience of his life, Spock hadn't lasted that long, and was terrible, but it was painful in more ways than one, it had been as if Spock hadn't even cared about him in those moments.


	5. Chapter 5

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Sulu exchanged a look with Chekov, before turning his attention back to his station.

'They're late for check-in,' he said quietly.

'There's been an electrical disturbance on the planet, if their comm. was effected, then they might not be able to comm. us,' Chekov whispered back.

It seemed wrong to be speaking at normal levels, as if the two of them could feel like there was something wrong and bringing attention to it would only make the situation worse. If only they knew exactly what the situation was, if there was one.

'Kirk may have forgotten,' Chekov whispered hopefully.

'Spock wouldn't have,' Sulu replied.

'If they were in any trouble, they would have made contact if they could; I say we wait it out until they miss their next check-in, then panic.'

'Let's fill in Dr. McCoy, just in case,' Sulu was uneasy about leaving the exploration team stranded, if they were in trouble.

McCoy wasn't happy about the situation, but promised to keep it quiet for the moment and took the opportunity to run drills with the sickbay staff. So that way, sickbay could remain on high alert, without giving cause for alarm to anyone. Scotty sent a request to bridge, asking them to do a full sweep of both the scanners, and the sensors, so that he could update the system. His request was granted, really there was no real reason to deny it, and if they picked up the exploration team by accident, well then at least they would know what was going on. There was nothing, and as the hours passed on, there was still nothing. An hour until the end of the current shift, the exploration team still failed to report in and missed their secondary check-in.

'Try making contact,' muttered Sulu.

'Exploration tem, this is the Enterprise, come in,' Chekov waited a minute before trying again, 'Exploration team, this is the Enterprise, come in.'

The rest of the bridge crew was beginning to become uneasy, a no-reply was usually a sign of something gone wrong.

'Sir, I'm receiving a transmission from an unknown ship,' reported the ensign on communications, Sulu had forgotten his name.

'Any idea as to what dialect the transmission is in?' not really expecting a yes.

'Negative, I do not recognise this dialect, lieutenant Uhura would probably know,' the "_if she was here, not down on that planet, unresponsive_", was left unsaid, 'but if were to take a guess, I would say their hostile.'

'Aye, lets avoid destroying the ship while her captain's away, and go find said captain and his missing crew members,' Chekov announced to murmured agreement.

'Sulu to McCoy.'

'Here.'

'We have a hostile transmission being broadcast and the exploration team is unresponsive, we are headed to investigate.'

'Understood, sickbay on standby.'

Everyone hoped that they would be in time, that communications were simply down and everyone was alright. Wishful thinking is ever rarely productive.


	6. Chapter 6

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Spock was beginning to worry, night was falling, the captain was still missing, and the Enterprise had yet to make contact. Spock thought that, logically, when they had failed to make their first check-in that the Enterprise would have set out to find out why. Yet the time for their second scheduled had come and been, taking the warmth of the day with it.

'Commander,' called a voice, female.

He turned to see lieutenant Uhura walking towards him.

'We are getting everyone into the shuttle for the night, and we don't need any more accidents,' her face softened as she added, 'we can't do any more for him, if we are to help him, we need to survive the night. Some spare parts were pulled out of the shuttles storage, and any part that was not needed for planet side travel, with the hull damaged, it made sense.'

'Is it possible to stabilise the shuttle's flight, or patch the communications?'

'Simmons is working on it,' Uhura commented, 'he could however, use a little help.'

'I shall go offer my assistance then.'

Jim felt a shift, like he was being useful, as if... he realised that the momentary flare had come from the bond he shared with Spock, the bond he had tried so hard to repress. He realised how much he missed the easy-going company that he shared with his first officer, he shoved that thought out of his mind, _he did not miss Spock_, rolled over and tried to sleep again.

_Spock pulled him into the bathroom, and gently guided him in under the shower, which was already running. This confused Jim, for that the Vulcan normally used the sonic setting, finding the use of water wasteful. He put the thought out of his mind as Spock began to gently clean him, before backing him into the shower wall. Spock's lips were soft as he lazily kissed Jim, gentle to the extreme. Jim felt himself relax under Spock's gentle administration and certain pieces of anatomy responded in kind. Spock knelt before him, and stroked him, causing Jim to buck slightly forward. Spock seemed to understand that he hadn't gotten off before, and was trying to make up for it now. Before Jim could do anything, Spock opened his mouth and started doing things with his tongue that Jim believed that no human or Vulcan should ever be able to do. Jim clutched at Spock's hair as he was left withering under his careful administration, until he could hold on no longer. Afterwards Spock cleaned them both up and exited the shower, Jim, relaxed and blissed out followed him._

Jim awoke to the feeling of wetness between his legs. He was going to have to stop dreaming about Spock, it was becoming no good for his clothing. He lay his head back and heard the last thing that he wanted to: that god-damn bear, creature, thing. He was going to have to hope that it couldn't track him to the cave. Wishful thinking is ever rarely productive.


	7. Chapter 7

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Spock spent most of his evening fiddling with the spare parts of the shuttle, attempting to fix at least some of the damage. Simmons had been of excellent help, Mr. Scott would be proud of him, but the problem remained the same, with one small difference.

'Run it by me again,' Lieutenant Uhura asked.

'We can either stabilise the shuttle's flight for an extended period, and hopefully find the captain, or we can create a temporary patch to the communication systems and attempt to hail the Enterprise,' Simmons repeated, weariness creeping into his voice.

'So why can't we do both? I mean try to contact the Enterprise, then move some of the parts and try to find Kirk.'

'Because,' Spock interjected, 'one of the wire ducts needed for both scenarios would be fried in the process of sending a transmission, or after the shuttle has been in the air for a while. Even as it is, there is a 47.34% chance that the wire duct will fry before the shuttle takes off or as the transmission sends.'

'So even if we patch in the communications, there's no guarantee that the Enterprise will even hear us?'

'Unfortunately, yes, however, it is the best chance we have of being found, and for the captain to be located,' Spock answered, words heavy on his heart.

'So why can't we just fly the shuttle to find him?' the lieutenant was confused.

'Because if we fly too far and can't get back, or we fly into an ion-heavy area, the Enterprise might not be able to pick us up. At least with a transmission, the Enterprise will know that we're in trouble and that there are crew missing,'

Uhura rubber her temples, the implications of every scenario made her want to curl up and pretend that she was safe at home, aboard the Enterprise.

'May I suggest that we take a vote on the best course of action in the morning?' Spock suggested, 'That way we are well rested and no one's opinion will have been ignored.'

'Don't you have the ultimate say in all of this, given that you're first officer?' Simmons asked confused.

'How can you make decision when you don't know if the regulations are right?'

Simmons just looked more confused and Uhura shot Spock a sympathetic look. Protocol would have them send the transmission, but that could potentially kill them all.

Simmons and Uhura left to sleep, while Spock meditated. He reflected on the day and felt his mind brush up against the mind of another, rather familiar mind.

_Jim?_

There was no answer and as quick as the contact had been, the quicker it had vanished. Spock felt a stab of pain in his heart, Jim had been unappreciative of their first meld, pulling away and out as soon as he could. The brief contact hadn't been long enough for a full bond to form, yet it was long enough for a weak bond to form, one Jim had strived to repress since its inception.


	8. Chapter 8

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Jim lay still listening to the bear-beast outside the cave, waiting for it to go away. When it became obvious that unless Jim was willing to make a run for it, he was trapped and dead meat. He wished for Spock's super strength or at least one of McCoy's hypos to knock the beast out for a while. While he debated what to do, Jim felt a slight draught coming from somewhere above him. Moving slowly, it seemed as if at every movement, the bear was honing in closer to him, Jim followed the draught. It turned out that there was some kind on natural chimney running up the cave's ceiling. Jim slowly wriggled his way into it. It was a tight fit; simply spreading his upper arms slightly was enough to support him. This was probably a good thing, as he doubted that he would have been able to climb up the chute otherwise with his broken wrist. As it was, the pressure on his arms was sending shooting pains through his wrist.

There was a pause in the snuffling sounds of the bear, before Jim felt something bump into his foot. Immediately Jim began hauling himself up frantically, tucking his legs up, bracing himself by pushing his legs out against one wall, with his back digging into the other. The beast below him had apparently decided that there was something worthwhile eating in the chute and had begun to scrape at the chute's entrance. Jim could hear it and felt, as its paws came closer and closer. Scrambling upwards, Jim ignored the pain his body was in, racing higher and higher up the chute.

'Come on,' he hissed to himself, 'come on.'

Without warning, Jim burst through the top of the chute and nearly slid back down it. Scrambling for a hand-hold with his good hand, Jim was eventually able to pull himself out. Looking back down the chute, Jim could see the bear still trying to reach him, far too big to ever follow him that way. Taking stock of himself, Jim was able to document his injuries. His clothes were ripped, especially down the back, his arms and legs. He was covered in shallow and not-quite-shallow-but-not-yet-deep cuts, which stung, and his wrist was on fire, slightly off from his arm. Jim was no doctor, but he was betting that wasn't a good sign. Hearing flowing water nearby, Jim limped off until he found it. As soon as he washed his wounds and took a drink, he lay back against a tree.

He wasn't as young as he used to be, he had very little sleep and his body was going to need time to heal. Throwing caution to the wind, Jim dozed where he was, stirring several times before coming to full alertness as the sun rose. The light allowed Jim so see what he could not before, that he was on a ridge, which top came close to that of the canopy.


	9. Chapter 9

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

The morning wasn't going so well. There was still no contact with the Enterprise, although with the communications down that was no surprise, and people were still divided on which course of action was best. Spock knew that the greatest chance of finding Kirk would be to hail the Enterprise, but he was at war with his emotions, which wanted him to fly the shuttle and/or find Jim on his own. With the argument heating up, Spock knew that there needed to be a middle ground that they all agreed upon. He was pleasantly surprised, although being communications officer, there should have been no surprise, that a third option was presented by lieutenant Uhura.

'I say we send a message to the Enterprise, the shorter the better, and then a small group head out and go looking for the captain themselves.'

'I will go,' Spock immediately volunteered.

There was a murmur of disagreement from the crew present. They had already lost their captain, they weren't too keen to lose their first officer as well, yet they knew that Spock's superior strength was going to give them an advantage, should they run into trouble. Few knew of Spock and Kirk's relationship, and those that did, knew that Spock wasn't going to sit around while the man he loved was in danger. Even some of those that didn't know that they were together could see Spock would not be swayed; there were few lengths that Spock would not go to bring his captain home safely.

Uhura was speaking again, 'I too, will go, I will stay long enough to compose the message before heading out, that way we can all agree in on the best course of action, should we get a response.'

There was another wave of unease between crew members.

'I will stay, monitor the systems, explain what has happened in case of rescue,' Simmons stated.

There was less arguing after that and by the time the early morning had faded into midmorning, they had a workable plan of action. Their message was written in short, simple sentences, repeated several times just in case it was picked up distorted. The supplies had been split between the group staying with the shuttle, and the six people in the search party. The search party had less food, but most of the medical supplies, the argument being that those going should be able to find food, but would need the medical supplies if they found Kirk injured.

'Spock, are you sure that you should come?' Uhura asked softly.

'Regulations say that I remain here, so that there is someone on hand to take control of the ship if need be. Yet I would not be at peace if something were to happen, that could have been prevented, had I been there.'

Uhura nodded in understanding, knowing full well what a bond between Vulcan mates were like. Ok so maybe the captain wasn't a Vulcan, but the point remained the same.


	10. Chapter 10

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Jim was stuck in what to do. On the one hand, he very much wanted to climb the slope to see if he could get his bearings, on the other, he just wanted to put as much distance between him and the bear-beast as fast as he could, as soon as he could. Both options had their draw backs. The slope was covered in vegetation, making it the perfect place for something sinister to hide in, plus travelling upwards and then back down would give the bear more time to lose interest and come looking for him from another direction. Travelling back down straight away meant that he risked attracting the bear's attention as he passed, not to mention heading in the wrong direction and becoming hopelessly lost.

_Which reward is worth the risk?_

Jim nearly snapped at the Spock voice in his head, then decided to heed the advice, the reward of finding the direction in which he needed to go far outweighed the risk if running into something that wanted to eat him. Besides, it was safer then heading back down, as he could see no path, which may pose a problem for him later, but it would keep the bear away at least. Standing back up, Jim headed up the slope, hoping that it plateaued out instead of simply ending. As luck would have it, there was a short space of roughly horizontal at the top. Looking around, Jim stretched his body upwards to try and see over the tree tops.

_Need something to stand on_, Jim thought, then tried to banish the thought of what Spock would do if he suggested climbing on the half Vulcan's shoulders.

He realised with a pang that he missed Spock's company.

_Stop that, Spock's a possessive bastard when he isn't distracted by blow jobs under the shower or rough as hell sex._

There was a war going on inside of his head. One voice was screaming that Spock had been out of line during pon farr. A second was screaming that it wasn't Spock's fault, it was Jim's for refusing to stop Spock at any point. A third was calmly pointing out that he had been a virtual prisoner of Spock's during those four days, and that refusing to submit to Spock would have ended badly for him. Yet another voice, which sounded suspiciously like Spock, told him that there was no point in debating over that which was past, and may never be again if he stopped being afraid.

Jim decided that the Spock voice had a point, he couldn't debate the what if, and if just sucked it up and explained what went wrong with Spock, he could avoid being in that situation again. At the same time, he was tempted to ignore it, just to spite that which reminded him of Spock. We wasn't afraid of Spock, we wasn't afraid of the situation repeating itself, and he sure as hell wasn't worried about hurting or upsetting Spock.


	11. Chapter 11

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Uhura realised that there was something wrong with Spock; his normally neutral features were replaced with an almost vacant look. She was debating on whether or not to say something when Spock suddenly stopped in his tracks.

'What is it?' she asked.

'We are being watched,' was his monotone reply.

'By...?'

'I do not know yet, but I would say of limited intelligence, but a hunter of some experience.'

'So if a wild animal of some kind is watching us, I think we better break out the weapons just in case.'

Spock nodded in his agreement and turned to the other four, all of whom were watching the two of them with a mixture of curiosity and worry. Before Spock even had a chance to open his mouth, the creature that had been watching them charged. It reminded Uhura of a bear, but with a scorpion tail, deadly and poised to strike. The men scattered as the beast charged, fixating on them one at a time, forcing each of them further apart from one another. Spock was right, it was an experienced hunter. Spock dodged a particularly nasty swipe of the beat's tail and rolled down the hill, catching sight of the tree line not far away, before it was whisked away again. The bear changed direction, with something dislodging from between its claws. Spock watched the object as it was caught by the wind, recognising it as a part of Jim's shirt. Spock felt something stir within him, but pushed the feeling aside as the bear charged once more in his direction. The half Vulcan took to his feet and did the only logical thing he could think of, lead the beast away.

'Beast,' he called.

The beast stared at him and Spock had the uncanny sensation that the beast knew who he was. Spock began to back up slowly, then faster as the beast drew closer, until he was flat out running towards the tree line. He had lost sight of the rest of the search part, but it did not matter, the only thing that mattered was that he led the beast, the thing that had attacked his captain, friend and lover, away. As he moved, he could have sworn that there was another running, just up ahead, coming towards him, yet never seemingly traversing ay closer. It made no logical sense but Spock just knew that it was Jim, running, favouring one leg, trying to find his way. Spock realised that this was a manifestation of the bond between the two of them, suppressed it had grown slowly, more so than either of them realised. Refusing to tap into the bond, the bond had found another way to make itself known. It was nothing short of a miracle, if Spock believed in miracles.

'Jim,' he whispered towards the shadow, realising that he could no longer hear the beast.


	12. Chapter 12

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Jim half ran, half limped in what he was sure was the way back to the hills. He had only just been able to see over the tree tops after he climbed a nearby tree, before slipping and landing on his ass, hard, again. His leg throbbed where he had jarred it and his wrist was on fire. To make matters worse, the bear beast had been waiting for him at the bottom of the slope. Jim was forced to abandon what was left of his shirt in return for safe passage. Apparently the flapping of the cloth as it hung from a branch was irresistible to the beast and as soon as its back was turned, Jim had broken into a run. There was a shadow moving up ahead, that Jim ignored, the last thing he needed was to acknowledge he was hallucinating Spock coming to find him. He didn't know how long he had been running for, but he needed to stop, a little afraid to.

'Jim,' Spock's voice whispered.

Jim slid into an abrupt stop, looking about him, ignoring the shadow. So now not only was he hearing Spock's voice in his head, he was imagining that he could really hear it too. There was an ache in his chest that used to be where Spock's easy friendship used to be. He had thrown it aside, to become bitter and resentful, all because he had refused to tell Spock that it had hurt, lashing out at his friend for no real reason. He had even refused to let Spock take control in bed, Jim directed him, choosing when and how they would make love. He wanted it to be like that first time under the shower, where it was gentle and about both of them enjoying themselves. But no matter how many times he tried, he could not recreate that moment of peace and love. He knew that it was because he was holding back, afraid to relax in case Spock took control again. A part of him wanted Spock to be in control, to show him that it wasn't so bad.

Jim wrapped his arms about himself and tried not to cry whispering, 'I'm sorry Spock.'

He didn't think that the Vulcan would ever know how sorry he was, that he wanted to tell him what was wrong, why he had pulled out of the meld when he did, and that he wanted to try again. Miserable, Jim continued on his way, wishing that there was someone there to help him, to just to keep him company. He missed his ship, her quiet, barely there humming that lulled him to sleep, the chatter of her crew on bridge, the laughs and giggles in the mess and rec rooms, and most of all, he missed the safe security that she offered. She was more than just his ship, she was his home and her crew had become his family. What he wouldn't give right now for a cup of bad replicated coffee, or dinner gone cold from neglect while arguing with his friends.


	13. Chapter 13

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Spock felt a deep sadness welling up inside of him, like part of his heart was breaking, the feeling of alone was intense and Spock had to stop, or else allow the feeling to take hold. He noticed that the shadow had stopped, arms encircling its torso, features slightly distorted. Spock followed the direction of the shadow, knowing that it would lead him to his bond mate eventually. Spock kept following the shadow even after night fell, his superior senses able to pick up the subtle changes in the light.

The shadow had started moving again, supposedly because Jim was, once again on the move, travelling slower than before. Spock knew that he was getting closer, as the shadow was far more defined than before, revealing that Kirk was probably injured. Spock made a mental note to mention in lieutenant Uhura's file that she had good reasoning skills in a crisis. It had been her idea that all the different supplies were split up equally between each search party member, in case they were separated. Her forward thinking meant that along with a small supply of food, Spock also carried medical supplies, a blanket and a spare set of clothes. Then all of a sudden, the shadow vanished, causing a tightness to take hold of Spock's chest.

'Jim,' he called, 'Jim!'

'Spock,' came a whisper from up ahead.

Spock strode quickly through the trees, into a clearing where Jim was curled up against a tree, pain plastered across his face. Snapping into action, Spock strode over the where the man he loved sat, pulling his pack off as he went. Kneeling before Jim, Spock took in his captain's features. The man was flushed with as slight fever, parted lips cracked with slight dehydration, small tremors racking his pale form periodically. The amount of scapes told Spock that Jim was probably suffering from slight blood loss. Pulling out the blanket, Spock wrapped it around the shivering form next to him. Jim responded by snuggling closer into his chest.

'Warm,' he mumbled.

Spock pulled out his water bottle and pressed it to Jim's lips, helping him to drink, before forcing some food into him, Spock wasn't entirely sure what it was exactly, but Jim ate it anyway. Attempting to dress Jim's wounds proved to be a problem, Jim would flinch every time Spock cleaned a cut or scrape and dressed it, pulling away weakly. Several looked to be infected and nearly all of them had small amounts of dirt caught in them. Getting Jim out of his torn clothing and into the spare set was a hazard, with the captain of the Enterprise sluggish with exhaustion, becoming more of a liability than a helping hand. Eventually Spock had him changed and wrapped back into the blanket, eyes unfocused with the need to sleep.

'Sleep, my t'hy'la,' he whispered, stroking the side of Jim's face, listening to the man's breathing even out.


	14. Chapter 14

Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

* * *

Jim awoke warmer than he had been in days, with a vague recollection of the day before. He remembered feeling alone, then feeling sick, wondering forwards, following that stupid shadow, and then, then it went a bit fuzzy. He had the feeling Spock had something to do with it, but that was impossible, Spock was probably back on the Enterprise by now, arguing, (even though Spock repeatedly told him it was merely a discussion of differences of opinion), with Bones on the best way to find him. Jim smiled at the thought, snuggling the soft warmth he was lying next to. He got a shock when the warm thing next to him moved. He froze hoping that he hadn't curled up next to the bear beast during the night.

'Jim,' said a rather familiar voice, for once not emitted from inside his head.

'Spock,' Jim replied, opening his eyes.

Spock looked back at him, worry etched into his eyes, the only facial feature Spock couldn't school into a blank mask. Jim reached up and ran his hand down Spock's face, warn, solid and definitely there. So this was no dream he was about to be rudely awoken from. Jim reached forward and pulled Spock into a kiss, desperate to reassert that Spock was really there, letting his emotions run wild. Spock broke the kiss, pulling away while trying not break contact with Jim.

'Jim my mental barriers are hardly at optimal levels and your emotions are over whelming.'

'Meld with me.'

Spock stared at Jim, unsure of what mental facilities may have been damaged.

'Meld with me,' Jim repeated, dragging Spock's fingers to his psi points.

Jim wanted them to bond properly, fully this time, and that required a full meld, not a splash in the kiddie pool like last time. Last time Jim had felt Spock's mind enter his, and freaked out that Spock would invade his head like he did his body, pulling abruptly away. Jim was so distracted by the need for Spock to meld, that he missed what Spock was doing until he felt the presence of another within his head. Automatically he tried to pull out of the meld, and felt Spock start to withdraw.

_No_, he shouted to the presence that was Spock's mind.

He felt Spock hesitate then return to meld them fully. Jim saw and felt what it had been like for Spock during those days of pon farr, and knew that Spock was experiencing those events from his pint of view. Something shifted, solidified and Spock with drew, leaving a sort of humming sensation at the back of Jim's mind, that he just knew was Spock's presence. Opening his eyes again, Jim knew that Spock felt the same humming at the back of his mind, and that he now knew why Jim had been pushing him away, why he had lashed out and hurt Spock. Spock would now understand why Jim had made the decisions he had in their relationship and Jim was afraid what would happen next.


End file.
